Good Salads

I’ve been making some dank salads lately for lunch. It’s both cost effective (a big ass 1 lb. box of spring mix is like $8 at Fairway and has lasted me the week), healthy, and when I make them, super fucking tasty. Today I had a particularly delicious salad. Despite having finished it about two hours ago, I can’t stop thinking about it, and it has moved me to share my recipes with you. I also discovered a Spotify playlist today called “Bootylicious & Sleazy Hits,” that has inspired me to write this. It is epic, energy-boosting, and almost as good as my salads. Here are my recipes as well as my thoughts.

Southwestern Salad

The most confident fruit

The most confident fruit

What qualifies a salad to be Southwestern? I feel like if there’s ever avocado, tomato, and corn in anything, it’s Southwestern. Whatever. I had been making this salad for lunch and dinner for a couple days this week because of the ease of its ingredients. The corn is frozen and you just have to throw it in some boiling water. Same goes for the egg. Haha. I get the eggs from my chickens at home and the  avocados from the fruit stand guy on my block. Recently I’ve noticed that they’ve been super watery. Why’s that? Also have you ever considered how disgusting we would find avocados if we evaluated them alongside other berry fruits? Yes indeed, the avocado is a berry. Look it up if you don’t believe me. Can you imagine comparing its taste, texture, and ease of use to those of, say, a strawberry, raspberry, or a blueberry? There’s no contest. Honestly, you have to respect the avocado for carving out a niche for itself and excelling in the face of adversity. If you ever feel down because you’re not cute, rounder on the bottom, and have bumpy skin and relatively bland taste, just remember America’s Sweetheart, the avocado, and you’ll feel better.


  • Spring mix
  • Avocado
  • Hard boiled egg
  • Corn
  • Grape tomatoes sliced lengthwise
  • Lime vinaigrette:
    • Garlic
    • Salt
    • Pepper
    • Granulated sugar
    • Dijon mustard
    • Fresh lime juice
    • Red wine vinegar
    • Olive oil

I’m not going to put quantities or prep instructions for a salad because, listen, it’s a salad. If you fuck it up, that’s on you. And experimentation is part of the fun.

Fuck-Yes-It’s-Fall Salad:

Call them basic if you dare

Call them basic if you dare

People who disdain other people (read: women) for liking fall probably also resent Kim Kardashian for “being famous for nothing,” scoff at Miley Cyrus for coming in like a wrecking ball, and call people “basic” for finding earnest, hedonistic joy in things like puffy vests, mason jars, and–here it comes–pumpkin spice lattes. Where to begin on how useless this is? I’m not even going to try to explain how Kim Kardashian’s being and staying famous for “nothing” (people forget the sex tape, duh) is actually a pretty big accomplishment, because if you don’t get it, you don’t get it. It’s like how only Hufflepuffs understand how Hufflepuff is the best house. I can see why “basic” is an insult–it means you’re unoriginal, superficial, frivolous, naïve, and kind of annoying because you enjoy “basic” things. But at least if you’re basic, you’re enjoying it. People who shit on fall don’t seem to derive the same degree of happiness. Why go through all this effort to distance yourself from a set of cultural interests when all you get out of it is the smug satisfaction that you’re not basic? Is that not the most frivolous, annoying behavior of all? Anyway, here’s my recipe for a bomb ass fall-themed salad:

  • Spring (Ha ha. Get it?) mix
  • Seasoned roasted butternut squash
    • Frozen cubed butternut squash
    • “Amor Masala” spice rub from my sister’s friend’s Indian-Cuban wedding (think coffee, cumin, curry, brown sugar, etc. Total gamechanger)
  • Grape tomatoes sliced lengthwise
  • Toasted pecans
  • Hardboiled egg
  • Balsamic vinaigrette
    • Garlic
    • Salt
    • Pepper
    • Granulated sugar
    • Dijon mustard
    • Balsamic vinegar
    • Olive oil
  • Optional: Corn would be good on this too but I was all corned-out this week from my Southwestern salads

Stay tuned for salads and thoughts to come.


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